Undefined Clarity

With my baby's gender reveal only a week away, this question has been haunting me by my friends, family and everyone who got to know I am pregnant. Interestingly, it never seemed to bother me what the gender is gonna be. In the past few months, I placed myself in various scenarios with a boy kid and a girl child and it never felt like I am inclined towards one but today morning I am feeling differently. Being a woman I have seen and learnt enough first-hand that we live in a man's world. I have been one of those fortunate exceptions who was not exposed to the complete wrath of it but still I was bruised enough to have that realization. Thankfully, I never had a male sibling, not that I am sure I would be treated differently by my parents but society plays its role in reminding me again and again that I belong to a different family (once I am married off) unlike my imaginary brother.  Family names always bothered me. In today's world where the man and woman live separately a...

What? She is not married yet? But she is 30! Yes. It in fact is 2021 and we still hear such remarks. Even I thought we established the fact that Marriage and Kids are not for everyone but clearly, the message is received but not processed (accepted) completely yet. In an era where people are screaming their throats out about equality, feminism, and rewriting what's considered "normal", we still ponder upon why not all surrendered to the age-old customs of marriage and having kids. Why is it so hard for people to accept it's a person's choice if they want to share their life or not either with another person and even if they do want to it is up to them when in their lives they want to do so? As parents or guardians, it is one's responsibility to educate their kids about such life events and the pros and cons of having them at a certain age. But the duty ends there. Now it is the kid's choice on how to make use of this information. Just because you lived a c...

 "Let go", she said. "You know I can't." "But you have to." Her voice trying to hide the agony but failing miserably. "What if I don't want to?" "It's not your choice anymore. I am involved too. Remember?" "And how is that so? You decide what you want to do. I have decided to hold on to this." "And what is 'this' you are referring to? The pain?" "Maybe. But this pain is what proves me what I had was real." "So what I had wasn't?" Her agony is now dominated by humiliation. "Listen. What you want to do with your life is upto you. What I want to do with my life and my feelings is not your business, atleast not anymore" "You know why I am begging you to do so. YOU KNOW", her throat started choking up. "Please do not waste anymore valuable tears of yours on me" "And now you get to tell me what I should be doing?" "I am sorry. I can...

Terry Miller is a happy farmer. His vineyard was his best friend. It never betrayed him when it comes to yield. This year so far was no different from the others. Terry and his wife Jen are excited for the next season. They are prepared with several contracts in their hands and are sure they would make enough this year for fulfilling their 'dream home' dream come true! Terry's brother Taylor who goes to college in the nearby town is visiting them. Terry and Taylor were orphaned young and have literally raised each other. They are the closest of siblings and were always there for each other. Taylor was obviously the first one to find out about Jen but not from Terry's mouth but his journal. Terry dropped out in high school to take care of the vineyard as it was then growing fast and needed his full-time attention. When Terry first met Jen Manning at the country fair, he instantly fell head over heels for her but never mentioned about his feelings to her as she was a coll...

What hit us is not what we are prepared for nor the generation before us. It's been a century since Spanish Flu shook the planet and there are only a handful of centurions alive who I hardly doubt even remember it. Anyways, our world today is way different than it was 100 years ago. Out of all the differences and advancements the one that stands out is 'Internet'. Usually it is considered a boon that connected every nook and corner of the world but just like 'Dynamite', it is a double edged sword. Thanks to the internet, we now know what is happening around the globe almost by the minute. But apart from a few individuals who 'need' to know these changes, isn't it a bit unnecessary and truth be spoken a little too overwhelming? Now more than ever, humans are tested to refrain from their temptations. Yes, the notifications of news keep popping up and yes your friend's invite to join you in the video game is pending and oh did you see that cute video...

Disclaimer: I am only sharing my experience here. Not promoting any religion. Chinapatnunchi Tirupathi trip anagane egiri ganthesevalam. Daniki kararanam 'Srivaru' anukunte meeru porabadinatte! Enchaka tirumala konda piki nadichi velletapudu road meede verusenaga pappu, batanilu tinachu, pespsi cola tagachu, itara chocolatelu palaharala sangathi inka chepanakarledu. E mupai elalo kaneesam oka padi padihenu sarlu veluntam. Prati trip ki akada janam kitakita lo tedalu telisaye kani aa swamy darsanam lo matram etuvanti marpu ledu. Adigadigo antha duram nunchi padi padi naduchukuntu, aa line lalo ukiri bikiri ipotu vaste, kanisam oka padi secondulu kuda kalara chudanivaru 'inka padandamma' ani tosese akadi seva sabhyulu. Valani tapupatalem. Valala cheyakapothe venaka line lalo valaki inka alasyamavtundi. Bahusa aa chusi chudanatu iche ayana darsanam mulam chetano emo epudu venkateswara swami meeda gurri kudarledu. But my last trip changed everything. Mavayya antune un...

It's Diwali!! My neighborhood and in fact every neighborhood in India is consumed in the festivities. The wives and mothers busy in the kitchen preparing the food that would be eaten by the family in a plate served fresh, unlike the usually packed lunch boxes. The fathers promising their kids that they would buy firecrackers enough to make the whole street jealous. The kids who can't wait until the night falls smuggled a few crackers and rushed out with their friends before the adults get hold of their crime. I was no exception in being equally ecstatic. I was rushing to the cellar (parking space of apartments) to see the kids play and then I saw her. She initially argued quite strongly but slowly started struggling to get the words out, especially after the person standing opposite to her said, 'you are just a maid. Know your limits'. I broke into tears. She always looked at me as if I am her most valuable possession. She always held me with utmost caution. She sp...

Period. That monthly monster which doesn't hold any respect for fundamentals of living such as gender equality or my big meetings! (pun intended) I guess we are way past the taboo both at workplace and at home. If my husband/guy friends ask me why am I not joining them for a hike or when my dad questions why am I working from home, I throw a very casual "I'm on my period" answer. They don't frown anymore. Infact they understand. Like a normal male should. Am I happy about this change? Ofcourse I am. But there is one other change I am not quite happy about. The tradition of isolating the girl/woman on period! Shocked? Don't be. There is a reason why a millennial thinks so. Everytime I come across an article or a video where they point out Indian social evils, I have no clue why they pick on 'keeping the female away for those 3 days'. Seriously, what exactly is wrong in helping a woman get rid of her duties while she is in pain? Yes, we (atleast I ...

There are innumerable reasons why a person might commit adultery. You and your other-half might be in a happy marriage and never understand why someone ended up cheating on their spouse, but what about those marriages which are not as happy as yours? You can suggest divorce as a way out of those unhappy relationships but how practical is that solution to someone with kids (where raising a child in broken families is not a choice) or even more importantly someone who lives in a conservative society?  When a man or woman is married in a country like India, where majority are arranged marriages, they MIGHT not end up falling in love with each other. It doesn't specifically mean that only the arranged marriage couples end up in adultery but its one considerable reason. Even couples who married after falling in love could grow out of each other after a few years. If that 'spark' died between them, there is a very good reason they might try to search for it somewhere else, ...

"Kokila.... okasari ila raama". Tattaya pilupu vintune chengu chenguna perati lonchi parugutho vachi ayana ollo valipoindi tana muddula manavaralu. "Tattaya.. nen last year naatina malle chettuki moggochindi telsa? Ra chupistha" garvamga cheputuna aa kalla loni merupuni chusi murusipoyadu Ananda rao. "Tapakunda chusta. Kani mundu nakoka manchi paata vinipinchali nuvvu" manavaralni mudduga degariki teskuni tana manasuloni korikanu baita petadu. Sangeetam ante Ananda rao ki pranam. Tana thalli madi vanta samayamlo tanani vantintloki adugupetanivakapoina avida kammaga pade patalani tana chevina veskovadaniki edo oka pani vanka tho vantinti gummam bite gantala tarabadi kurchuni vinevadatanu. Pelli chupula samayam lo kuda tanu kaboye bharyamanini adigina oke oka prashna ameki sangeetam vacha ani. Suseela ki sangeetam rakapoina tana thalli ki ame entagano nachadam valana kevalam paadaledu ane vanka tho sambandam vadanadam ishtam leka opeskunadu. Kanis...

Packing for a trip to Florida : Time to shop rompers and shorts. Packing for a trip to in-laws : Can't wear anything too short or too tight. Yes. Both are my very own contradicting thoughts. True that I have to tailor my wardrobe and my thoughts accordingly but that doesn't mean I am compromising on anything. I am a millennial. Born to the generation X yet in the age of information, we look like a bunch of confused idiots to the world while in real or at-least according to me, are pretty balanced. We do respect elders but also live life on our own terms. We just know how to work with both sides of the coin. But clearly the rest of the world disagrees with that. Its depressing that even Google pops up articles such as 'Are millennials fu****?' or 'A Generation of Weakness' the minute we try taking its opinion. Why have qualms about our every step and decision? Don't we have anything to do with the progress of the world? There is an undoubted leap...

How judgy are you? Seriously? Have you ever asked yourself that question? I am not questioning those fun moments you had with your friends and family while you playfully passed a comment or two about your colleague or your neighbor next door.  I am asking you how many times have you frowned upon an idea of someone's marriage or their choice of career or simply their lifestyle. We all have certain norms in our head about a 'Perfect lifestyle'. A lot of these have been laid down by how we were brought up and how our parents have fed our minds with whats right and whats wrong. We might have grown out of some and embraced a few unorthodox practices but have we opened up to a completely transformed modern society?                                       True that our backgrounds influence us a lot, but its highly recommended to draw a line somewhere. Just because your mom, grand-mom ...

'Its time' said someone. I don't remember who coz I am hardly awake after some 10 hours of my wedding which felt like an eternity! Trust me. I'm not exaggerating. If you have been or were ever a part of a Telugu brahmin wedding you'll know what I am talking about. I can hear my aunt summoning someone to get my luggage. It is rare to see such a commotion at 4.30 am in the morning. I remember that just a few minutes earlier everyone was almost falling asleep but as we neared the last event of the 5 days/forever wedding I guess everyone's hope of getting back to their normal sleeping schedule rose up and hence the havoc. Couldn't blame them. I myself was desperate for some sleep. I could see my sister and a few friends loading up the cars. My mother, too busy to even hear me. It then struck me. Dad. Where is he? My eyes couldn't place him no matter how much they searched. Maybe I was just too tired. Or it's my contact lens wearing off. I along with ...

Yes! I have chosen the most important yet most neglected entity in the world (I am no exception btw) But before you or I start pondering about whether we fall into the category I just generalized, I would quote a forwarded message I read the other day which is the motivation behind this blog (apart from that other tiny reason: Boredom ;) ) . "Obama retired at 55 while Trump started at 70. We all have our own pace with life." How true! We often compare where we are in our lives with our peers and we end up being upset (atleast for most). Can't blame ourselves as this is how we were raised. As a child your parents were worried why you stand 2nd in class while you neighbor's kid always manages to secure 1st. They banged their heads against the wall to find out what they lacked in providing you with that Mr.Topoftheclass's parents didn't. Remember that weird adolescent age when you were already busy struggling with how things around you were changing so fa...

I can still hear him sometimes when I think about him. His voice low but vehement. His smile tender but radiant. His face, a mirror of the 7 decades of life and his heart that poured nothing but love for his granddaughter. Summer 1992. It's just another starry night in the fast-growing city of Hyderabad. My dad brought the old easy chair, grandpa's favorite and placed it on the front lawn. It has almost become a routine for me and grandpa to spend an hour after dinner every night. My sister, still a toddler with an all-time high sleeping rate granted me exclusive time with a man I was more in love with than my dad. I always looked forward to that hour as it lasted only for a month every year. My grandparents lived in a town miles away from the city where I am from. Their visits were limited and hence treasured. Grandpa settled into the chair and stared at the sky for a while. It was almost when I dreaded he fell asleep that he threw a glance at me and asked if I want to he...

One (or should I say the only) advantage (most of the cases) of growing up is you become more wise. A simple explanation follows. You see more of life. You run into more people, fall into situations, learn about different perspectives and understand 'it' better. But that doesn't stop the past bothering you. The decisions you have made when you were not as wise as today would haunt you. It takes a lot of effort to get rid of them. Even if you did, the guilt make s sure it built itself a tent in your backyard. According to social media, a lot of stats show that the older the friendship the longer it lasts. I don't quite agree with it. I am evolving everyday and people I chose to be friends with in the later stage of my life are more compatible with the new me than the one's I was dear to a decade back. It surprises me enough to see the difference I brought in myself without acknowledging it. But thanks to the reminders (my old friends) I now know how much I c...

I just finished watching 'Mark Zuckerberg Harvard 2017 Commencement speech' on youtube. In contrast to what I found was the most enlightening 33 minutes of today (for me) , the comments implied that not a majority of viewers agree with me. I have been in arguments before, but this level of disparity caught me off-guard. Is the source of this negativity coming from the theories about Mark stealing his friend's idea? Let's assume he really did, it still doesn't diminish the respect I have for him. My reason: If he did steal the idea, he still worked his a**off on it and he was successful in 'connecting the world'. Lets face it, facebook isn't just a space where you connect with your friends or make new friends. It is much more than that. It is a platform for budding entrepreneurs to market their product/services FOR FREE, where by the way the whole world can see! The idea blows my mind. Not just for marketing, but it aids you know about various char...